run away with me, please?
(this was meant to be written at tdov, but my mind was somewhere else that night)
[trans day of visibility has passed] and i don't think i've felt so hopeless and lowkey distressed like this before. life has gone from "rocky, but livable i suppose" to constantly asking "why am i still here?" every time i get up. it's kind of insane just how fucked up this world went, every man on top wants a little piece of war and makes it everyone else's problem. can't even buy shit anymore without feeling regret right after. and i already been on frugal living mode for a decade atp! it's good to see everyone else feeling the same struggle i guess. on top of all this though, it seems that queer and especially trans rights has become more of a distant dream in this country as the year goes on. a trans makeup artist was "exposed" for "lying" about her identity to her client keeping her ritualistic streak clean and completely harassed on public tele for that. there's a new wave of accounts solely for threatening queers on the already shitty net. the local cops hasn't stop raiding and seizing couples and "parties". the alternative scene proves to be filled with posers who loves cherrypicking on whose deserving liberation. and everyone is getting louder and bolder on this shit despite not helping the central cause of why this world gone fuck all. like no, killing us in addition to every other subhuman target isn't making grocery cheaper.
and all of this wouldn't be so bad if i weren't so fucking lonely out here. i'm living in basically in the edge of nowhere, where nothing happens and everyone is ready to kick me out. going out to the city means spending most of my money that could've been spent to eat. and working 5-to-5 means i have zero energy to do anything. can't read shit, can't watch anything that's not the same youtube videos again. can't play games. can't even write this damn blog until it's almost midway thru april for christ sake. i can't help but feel an intense amount of envy and jealous every time i see my moots go out on an adventure, get in the club, hanging out, working on something passionate, while i'm rotting in bed after 12 hours of work waiting for someone to kidnap me or for this to be all over. i'm desparate for a change, i can't sit still for too long. my job is on thin ice with my boss stupid decision of making a fucking padel field in a rural ass town. i don't feel human anymore, i'm just an empty shell. i'm tired of living like this. please, someone take my hand and run away with me